Is There a Full Moon?

Things around school are nuts!  Is there a full moon?  I can't blame the kids for being excited.  For the first time in a very long time, our basketball team made it out of the area and travel to Mobile to compete in regions.  I'm so excited for them!  Way to go, boys!  Play hard and I'll be sitting at school routing for you!  For the girls' volleyball and softball playoffs since Erin was in seventh grade, someone else has covered my classes for me so that I could go watch.  It's my turn to pay back those favors.

Play-off time (even basketball) is a really bittersweet time for me.  I hope that as the years go by it'll get easier and easier.  Softball season is getting kicked off and before long all the girls will get caught up in the excitement.  I survived volleyball play offs without too much angst; I'm not sure how I'll handle softball.  I feel so out of the loop!  With Erin in college I no longer have a personal interest in how well - or not so well - our girls' teams are doing.  I got so invested in volleyball and softball seasons over the past six years that my life is a little empty without it.  I realize what I need to do...I need to get a life!  My life.  My own personal existence outside the school or its events.  I realize what I need to do.  I just don't know how to go about it!  John got me a Nook (color!) for Christmas so I've been doing quite a bit of reading, but that isn't really a life.  I have been trying to go to the Wellness Center and exercise a little when my schedule allows.  But what do people who have a life do?  How do they spend their time?  I'd love a little feedback if anyone out there is listening or has some advice.

Erin came home this weekend and we were able to spend a little time together.  She had a pretty rough week at school and needed some down time.  Hopefully, she was able to find a little peace up there in her own space.  Maybe this week will go better for her.  Before she went back to Tuscaloosa she helped me get a Skype account set up so that I can actually see her face when we talk on the computer.  I'm so excited!  I'll let you know how that little venture works out...

All I have to do is finish this week and get through two more and it will be spring break.  I have really big plans for my break.  I'm going to clean baseboards and carpets.  I know, I know...doesn't sound like much fun for spring break, but I'll have a huge sense of accomplishment when I'm done.  Besides, Erin is going to Nebraska so I'll be here all alone during the day.  The plan is to work in the mornings then sit on the porch and read all afternoon.  Ah!  The good life!

What the world needs now...

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!  Today is all about making sure the one you love appreciates the depth of your feelings.  As mushy as it may seem, I'd like to take the time to explain what love means to me.

Before I begin I think I should point out that I do realize that all my posts to this point have focused mainly on my daughter and our relationship.  I believe it's time I talked about another very significant relationship in my life.  This past weekend my husband treated me to a weekend away at the beach.  We left on Friday afternoon as soon as we both could get home from work and get our acts together.  I can't even begin to describe how excited I was over this trip.  All the way down I kept looking over at him and thinking about how much I love him.  We've been married almost 24 years now and every day it just keeps getting better.  He had made reservations for us at the Sandestin Hilton Spa and Resort.  Despite the cold I was excited to be at the beach!  We haven't been to the beach for the weekend in so very long.  Our beach-side, fifth floor, balcony room was wonderful...so were the strawberries and champagne.

We found the coolest little local spot for dinner...Busters.  For those of you familiar with Sandestin...it is almost directly across from Silver Sands in a shopping center.  It's a sports bar and very busy with an obviously local crowd.  Right then we didn't care.  We were just hungry!  I believe we may have to become one of the "locals" when we go back.  The food was incredible. Who would have thought you could great such good blackened chicken alfredo in a sports bar!  We spent our time when we got back after dinner looking out at the gulf from our balcony and listening to the sounds of the surf.  Thanks to the sheltered location of our room, we were even able to sleep with the sliding glass door to the balcony open so we could hear the waves all night long.  I haven't slept that well in a long, long time.  Absolutely stress free!

On Saturday we met an old friend, one of John's old college roommates actually, for lunch.  He brought along his wife, step daughter, and five-year-old daughter.  It's important that you understand that Aubrey is my age.  I had Erin when I was 27 and he has a five-year-old!  As John and I stood and watched him on the playground with her we both were thinking how glad we are that we are out of that stage! 

Saturday night we met some other friends for dinner at Mitchell's Fish House.  If you've never been, you've got to go!  The food was out of this world and the atmosphere conducive to a romantic night out.  The food exceeded expectations and the company was even better.  We've definitely got to do that again!  On Sunday John and I got in a little shopping before we came home.  By the afternoon the wind had died down and we were walking around Destin in our shirt sleeves hating the idea of going home.

It has taken my saying all this to get to my point.  On the ride home it occurred to me just how quiet our weekend had really been.  Companionable silence.  We have reached a stage in our marriage where not talking is as comforting as a heart-felt discussion.  I wish I could tell you how many times this weekend John and I didn't finish each other's sentences.  We actually began making the same comment at the same time.  It is eerie how much alike we think.  A couple of times we actually began laughing at the exact same time, I looked at him and said, "That reminds me of..." and he, laughing, said, "Me, too."  End of conversation.  Both of us knew what we were talking about.  If you are around us very much, you'll notice that in our home element we are both pretty quiet.  You'd be amazed just how much we actually say!  Isn't that where everyone hopes to get in their relationships? 

So how did we spend our Valentine's Day getaway?  Quietly.  We spent time together laughing at the same things, reading, strolling through shops, and enjoying jokes we didn't actually have to tell each other.  I can remember more than 24 years ago trying to decide if he was The One.  I distinctly remember realizing there was nothing to decide...he just was.  All these many years later he still is.  After a long day at school all I need to do to feel better when I get home is see his car in the garage.  He listens to me rant about my day with a small smile on his face that I know means he knows all he is expected to do is listen.  He fixes all my problems just by standing there nodding as I rant.  He makes sure I have sinus medicine all the time.  He does the ironing when I have lots of papers to grade or just don't want to do it.  He lets me watch TV by myself in another room without wondering if I'm angry.  He runs me a bath when I'm cold.  He cleans the kitchen when I cook.  He folds laundry.  He checks out any noises I hear in the middle of the night.  He pulls my feet to his side of the bed even when he knows my toes are frigid!  He goes to bed a little early so he can warm my side, then when I come to bed he moves over to his (cold) side and lets me have the warm spot.  Every morning during the week he puts the alarm clock and the remote next to me in bed when he leaves for work so that I don't have to crawl over to the night stand to turn off the alarm.  When I'm tired on the weekend and don't want to do anything but nap in my chair all day, he doesn't mind if I don't clean house.  He lets me take his car shopping.  He plays music we both like when we go places rather than listen to the stuff I know he likes better.  On the weekends he cooks breakfast for me.  He's nice to my friends.  He lets me go down to my mother's when my sister is home without wondering when I'll be home.  He's nice to my relatives and doesn't hold them against me.

I feel like I've left something out, but I think I've mentioned the best parts.  Do you know what the best part is?  Every time I look at him I see the man waiting for me at the altar all those years ago.  I remember the look in his eyes as I walked down the aisle to him.  I remember holding my breath hoping he really would go through with it.  The only way to express how I feel about him is this...I love him.  Completely.  Comprehensively.  Thoroughly.  He isn't my best friend.  He's better.  He's my husband.

Remember, It's The Little Things

This past weekend I had the opportunity to do a little shopping with my daughter.  Since teachers get paid on the last school day of each month, we did a bit more shopping than we probably should have!  But, for us, these precious moments that we get when it is just the two of us with no other influences, goals, or agendas provide opportunities to get to know each other a little better.  For me, it's a chance to look at her in a different light:  a young woman.  I love just walking around a mall with her doing what women all over the country do on a lazy Saturday.  I get to take a step back (figuratively, of course) and observe from a different viewpoint.  On these rare occasions the only "mom" role I have to fill is at the register when we're done.  Even then she more often than not steps up and offers to cover her own purchases.  The "mom" in me, though, rarely can let her do that.  Those times when she has to fend for herself, when neither her father nor I am around, will come all too soon.  For now, I'll gladly buy the occasional pair of shoes or jeans.  While the shopping is fun, it's the conversation I'm there for.  I'm forever amazed by her outlook and opinions.  I have to admit that there are times when I hold my breath - afraid of what she is going to say.  While what she says isn't always what I want to hear, I can tell that she has put thought into her opinions and is generally just using me as a sounding board.  I don't know how successful I am, but I do try to restrain any emotionally charged reaction I may have and just listen not only to what she is saying, but her reasoning behind it. 

I hope that for her, these days out serve a similar purpose.  I hope she is getting a chance to get to know me on a different level.  As I have grown older I have come to know my own mother less as a parent and more as a person.  I hope that my daughter is getting to do the same.  I know that for her the going must be tough.  It is a whole new frontier for her.  I can tell that sometimes in our conversations she is filtering what she is saying through the, "I must remember this is my MOM!" filter.  That's okay.  For her, as for me, that will probably never really go away.  But, I hope that she is gaining a better understanding of who I am other than her mother. 

This past Saturday we enjoyed a unique experience.  She has finished her first semester of college away from home (quite successfully I'm happy to report), and has returned to campus after a nice long Christmas break.  First semester of college is such a time of excitement and adjustment.  Second semester is when reality sets in...that this is really what life is going to be for a few years.  She had been back in Tuscaloosa for a little over a week and was meeting her dad in Birmingham on Saturday to go to a concert.  I went along for the ride...not the concert.  She met us at our friend Brian's on Friday night to spend a little time with her parents.  During our little shopping trip on Saturday, I got to talk to her about something that has really been on my mind lately.  She has a new person in her life who has really swept her off her feet.  On the surface he seems a bit too good to be true.  After having met him, though, it is good to be able to say that he seems just as good a person - in person -- as he does on the computer.  She had told us quite a bit about him, so her dad and I were anxious to get to actually sit down and talk with him.  He seems to be completely taken with her and she with him.  This young man really seems to have his life planned out and is working very hard on building his future.  He has a close relationship with his family and values those things that we have always taught her were the important things in life.  This past Saturday morning seemed like a good time to talk to her about not losing sight of her own goals. 

If our daughter should ultimately end up with this young man, I don't believe her father or I would have anything to complain about.  He treats her with the respect we have always taught her to believe she deserves.  What I tried to express to her was to be very careful not to allow herself to get carried away to the point where she loses sight of what she wants for herself.  Too often I have seen young women adjust their dreams to fit those of the special person in their lives.  I told her that in order for a relationship to work, and work really well, each person has to have something to offer the other.  That when one person is living out his or her dream and the other is along for the ride after having put his or her own dreams on hold, generally what occurs in the long run is resentment.  Also, this young man has the means to offer her all the things she wants, and can do so when he chooses.  He works very hard and has learned the value of hard work.  As a result, he can enjoy the benefits of that hard work.  He has scheduled trips to Tuscaloosa to see her as well as providing for her to go out to visit with him and his family.  The type of life he leads as a result of his hard work, is the kind of life that can really sweep a girl off her feet.  It would me!  The point of my conversation with her was to focus on the little things.  I reminded her of the crystal heart that sits in the office of my bedroom.  If you just looked at it you wouldn't see anything special in it.  It isn't very large, nor is it very impressive looking.  It is, however, one of the most precious gifts my husband has ever given me.  With that small gift my husband expressed his feelings for and commitment to me for the very first time.  I have probably told her that story a hundred times over the course of her life, but I think she really sees the value of that story for the first time.  Maybe she understood.  I hope so.  I'm not so sure I was very eloquent in my conversation with her.  I wasn't even really sure what I was trying to say.  I think that in some strange way, though, she understood.  Again, I hope so. 

She and I are at a very strange, unfamiliar, strangely difficult stage in our lives.  I'm trying to gracefully let go.  She is trying to step out on her own without cutting all ties with home.  It is a delicate balance for the both of us.  I knew that when we decided to make our home here; that there was very little possibility that our daughter would return to Kinston to make her life.  That's okay.  It really is.  When the time comes, I"m sure I'll feel as if some part of me has been torn away.  I won't be alone in that feeling.  Her father will feel the same.  But we also won't be alone.  Millions of parents have gone through what we are facing and survived.  Many have even survived it without ruining their relationships with their children.  Hopefully I can find the grace to do so, too.  It is rather surreal to sit and listen to her tell us what her plans for spring break are without telling her that she forgot to ask us.  But isn't this what we've been teaching her...preparing her to do?  We can't spend the first eighteen, almost nineteen, years of her life insisting she learn to stand on her own and then refuse to allow her to do so when the time comes.  My difficulty in letting her go shouldn't affect her actually doing so. 

So, what do I really want her to know?  Stand tall.  Be strong.  Take a deep breath and step out on faith.  While you are finding your way, we are here to help.  Once you do, you'll know we will do all we can to help you be happy in the life you have chosen.  Believe in yourself.  Follow your heart but remember to listen to that little voice in your head.  If you can achieve that balance you will find all you have ever hoped for.  No matter where you roam or the paths you choose to get there, you will always be loved.  You will never be more than a phone call - or a short plane ride away.  Should you ever need us, we will put our lives on hold to be with you.  When things get tough and you need to know that we are on your side, just close your eyes and listen to the calls of "Gidget" from the sidelines.  We'll always be on your side, cheering you on.

Here We Go Again

Well, it's back to the same ole same ole at the Shaw household.  The week I went back to school after the holidays John and I welcomed a friend of Erin's as a house guest for a few days.  TJ was with us for five days and I have to say I really enjoyed his visit.  It is nice to know that there are people out there who are still raising gentlemen.  I had living proof visiting my home.  The weather wasn't actually conducive for sightseeing so Erin had to entertain him here.  It was kind of funny to him, I think, to watch us sitting around shivering.  He's from a part of the country where there isn't a run on the IGA every time there is a hard freeze warning!  On the Monday after he arrived we actually had a "snow" day.  Even though snow wasn't predicted as far south as we are, conditions were still a bit cagey.  On Tuesday I convinced Erin to take him and head off to the beach.  Although the weather outside was gray and relatively miserable, all reports were that they had a good time.  His visit ended when Erin left with him to take him to the airport for his flight home.  Afterwards she headed back to Tuscaloosa for her second semester.

I went back to work on Tuesday believing my life would return to its normal routine, or at least what passes for normal now that Erin isn't home.  Somehow when I got home that afternoon it wasn't like what I thought it would be.  John and I were sitting together watching TV but something just wasn't right.  I finally was able to put my finger on it.  My house was eerily quiet.  No footsteps upstairs.  No laughter as she Skyped with a friend.  No quick step down the stairs or an "I won't be late!" as she heads out the door.  No one told me I would have to go through this again when she went back to school.  I thought once I had become accustomed to her absence I would be okay.  I am okay, really.  It's just that after several weeks having Erin at home I had let myself fall back into "Mom Mode."  I really like that mode.  It's almost like running on automatic. 

Spending time with Erin over the holidays was wonderful.  She's happier than I have seen her in a long, long time.  She walked as if a world of worry had been lifted off her shoulders.  She has made it through her first semester living away from home and came through with flying colors.  I couldn't be more proud of her.  I think that all our lives will be in a constant state of transition over the next few years.  New people will come and go out of Erin's life and each will bring something new.  From this newest addition I believe she has come to have a better sense of her self worth.  She is being treated with respect; as if she matters.  He listens when she talks and laughs at the same things she finds funny.  He can barely keep his eyes off her and she hangs on his every word.  He treats her the way John and I have always told her she deserves to be treated.  Now she sees the difference.  I don't know how this relationship of hers will develop, but I believe that regardless of the end result this is good for her.  She hasn't lost sight of her own dreams but I believe she is beginning to wonder how those dreams may develop.  She's beginning to believe she can have it all.  I believe she can, too.

I've been putting it off...

I just finished Erin's high school scrapbook.  I know, I know.  She's been out of high school since last May.  I hate scrapbooking.  For me it is a torturous exercise in cutesy page design that is about as much fun as a root canal.  It also takes me longer than the average root canal to do just one page.  I started this particular scrapbook for Erin when she was in the seventh grade.  The idea was good; the execution - not so much.  At the end of her seventh grade year I took the very first Monday of my summer, dragged out my stuff, and commenced to design pages.  Two days later I finished a two-page spread of the highlights of her school year.  Why is this so hard?  I have friends that could have done an entire high school career for a child in the length of time it took me to do just one grade!  I tried to follow the tenants of a good scrap booker:  the best pages are those which tell a story.  I'm afraid the story that mine tells is that I do not have an eye for this sort of thing.  Erin seems to like it, though, and she's the only one that truly counts.

So why the sudden urge to finish this one?  Well, we have a house guest coming in on Thursday.  Erin told me that she thought it would be nice if I could finish it.  What could I say?  I had no real, good excuse.  I started on Sunday.  Today is Tuesday.  In the end I had a stack of pictures I thought I just had to include and no more pages left.  I do need to give myself a little credit.  For her senior year I didn't just do the two-page spread.  I did one page with a senior portrait, two for volleyball, two for softball, one for awards day, one for graduation, two for her senior trip to Disney World, and two more pages for snapshots.  Looking back, for me that's not too bad!  That's one, two, . . .eleven pages in three nights!  Woo hoo!  Maybe this  scrapbooking thing isn't so bad!  Did I really just say that?  Just goes to show just how tired I am.  Tomorrow I'll clean up the mess and pull my house back together for our house guest.  Besides, the appreciation on Erin's face when she sits and looks at her books makes it all worthwhile.

A New Beginning...

Happy New Year, Everyone!  Today is a day for resolutions, football games, and naps on the couch.  So, how did we spend our day?  Yup.  Watching football and taking naps.  No resolutions for me this year.  I see no reason to set myself up year after year with all the normal resolutions:  lose weight, don't work such long hours, be a better housekeeper, etc.  Either I will or I won't and making a resolution today won't change the results. 

So, reflecting on the past year what do I see?  I think it is a year best put behind us.  Erin graduated from high school, got her first job, moved away, and started college all within the space of 3 months.  That's a bit too much change for me in such a short time.  Not that all those changes weren't good ones.  Erin's move to Tuscaloosa has been a good one for her.  John and I have spent the better part of her life helping her to expand her horizons so she would be comfortable away from us and self-sufficient when the time came.  That's what good parents do, isn't it?  So how come now that she is away from us, taking good care of herself, and doing well does it make me a little sad?  Maybe because she doesn't really need me anymore.  She patronizes me occasionally and lets me mother her, but she really is quite an independent young woman.  I guess I should just be glad she let's us take what part we do.  She is so much happier now than she has been in the months before she went to college.  That makes me happy, too.  I see more life in her eyes now than I have in a long time.  That's a good thing.  High school is hard when your mom teaches where you go to school.

So what's in store for us this next year?  Only good things, I hope.  Erin is starting her second semester and will continue to build her life in Tuscaloosa.  John and I will continue to do what we do here.  In the meantime our lives will march on.  Stuff will happen.  We'll deal with it . . . together.  I can't really say that I hope things get better.  They are pretty good the way they are right now.  My family is happy and healthy.  We have jobs and we can pay our bills.  In this day and age that is saying lots more than so many people can.  We are blessed.  May you be blessed in this new year as well.

All I Want for Christmas...

These past few days have brought home one of the true meanings of Christmas...family.  Very dear friends have suffered through illness with a child for the past several weeks and the uncertainty that often comes with it.  I believe that there is nothing worse than the uncertainty of an ill child when there seem to be no answers.  The assurances of doctors and prayers of loved ones are a comfort but there still remains the fear that lurks in the back on your mind.  Thankfully, all seems to have turned out quite well with my friends' child and their Christmas will certainly be merrier.  I can only imagine the joy in that home this Christmas. 

As for me and mine, this time of year is always a little melancholy.  While the joy is definitely still there, the wonder that was once in my child's eyes as she looked at the tree is long gone.  It has been replaced by the grown up knowledge that comes with young adulthood.  She still asks for presents from Santa and Santa still delivers . . . as big as he can!  But there's something about it that is just a little different.  Thinking of Christmases past always makes me a little sad.  I can't help but long for those Christmases of long ago when she didn't even doubt that what she asked for was under the tree simply because it was all she asked for.  My heart is full when I think of how grateful I am that she is home with us and that these holidays are surely numbered.  Changes are coming.  It is only as it should be and is natural and right.  That doesn't keep it from making me a little sad.  Every year on Christmas Eve my sister, her family, and my family meet at my mother's home after we have spent time at my grandmother's.  Every year it turns into big fun and there is always lots of laughing and good-natured fun.  This year will be no different.  But in years to come life and circumstances will surely alter our traditional Christmas Eve.  I don't know where Erin's life will take her.  John and I have always told her that wherever her life takes her will never be too far away for us to visit.  But, when Christmas Eve comes where will we be?  No matter our physical presence, our hearts will always be where she is...with her life and her family. 

But this year the question most asked, "What do you want for Christmas?" is easy for me.  I think of my friends who have worried so over their child this past month and know the answer to that question.  What do I want?  Nothing.  I want for nothing.  I have my family and those most dear to me and they have their health.  What more could I possibly ask for?  So this year as I sit with my family as we celebrate the holidays I will do so knowing that there are no more blessings to ask for.  I have been blessed, surely, until my cup runneth over. 

Merry Christmas!

Tangled!!

Just got home from a great day in Dothan with Erin.  We met my mom at Bradley's Florist open house this morning for a little shopping first...a trip that has become a tradition for the three of us.  We actually do more visiting with Ralph and family than anything else.  If you've never been you should go.  Beautiful Christmas decorations!  I have to be really, really careful with my budget when I go.  I like everything I see!

After Bradley's Erin and I headed out to Dothan to do a little shopping on our own and kill some time.  Angela Kelley and her little girl Brynne (Miss B to those who know her!) and Debbie Driver met us there for the afternoon matinee of Disney's new Rapunzel movie Tangled. If you haven't been and you like Disney princess movies, you should really go.  Disney has come a long way since Snow White!  It was really kind of neat. All around us were mothers and daughters spending a day at the movies.  The best part, though, was the daddies there with their daughters!  It was definitely a good old-fashioned Disney princess movie but with a twist.  We had a ball and Brynne was fascinated!  We spent some time afterward in the lobby visiting and watching Brynne show us how her new Rudolph (that her daddy got her just this morning) fly!  She was so funny.  She would look up at us and say, "Rudolph flies!" then toss him into the air.  Then she was kind enough to pose in front of the movie display  long enough for her mom to get a picture of her at her first movie.  Angela and Russell are taking Brynne to Disney World over Christmas break and all indications are a good time will be had by all!

My house is a total mess from the boxes which hold our Christmas decorations through the year until we are ready for them.  Our decorations are all up and tomorrow we'll add the last touch by putting up the tree. If Erin and I hadn't had a girls' day out today it would be up already, but I think we had our priorities straight.  Tomorrow morning we're going to church to hear the cantata.  I believe it'll really begin to feel like Christmas. 

Merry Christmas, everybody!

Back to Normal...Kind of

Erin came home from college today and life is back to normal . . . kind of.  She'll be home until around the middle of January and that isn't nearly long enough for me.  Having her sit across the dinner table from me tonight knowing she'll be there for several nights to come made me feel almost normal.  In the back of my mind is lurking the knowledge that as normal as it may seem, nothing is "normal" anymore.  This is home, but she doesn't live here.  She texts when she has a bad day or a disappointing class, but I can't hug her.  She has a life away from us that has nothing to do with us at all.  She has friends we have never met and probably never will.  That's our new normal.  Sometimes I feel as if I'm standing outside my life watching it all go on without me.  How did I lose all those years leading up to this?  I can't get them back and I'm pretty sure the memories are pretty selective.  Just last week she was born, yesterday she started kindergarten.  A day which I failed as a parent, by the way.  I have no picture of my only child on her first day of school ever. One of the milestones of her life and I missed it.  I do remember her standing at the door telling us, "I've got it from here."  I knew then she would never need me the same way again.  I cried all the way to work. 

So here I am, looking at this young woman sitting across the table from me and wondering if she has a clue how magical it all has been.  And yes, Virginia, I do believe in Santa Claus.  The proof is sitting across the dinner table from me.

Well, here goes . . .

A couple of former students have begun publishing blogs, so I thought I'd try my hand.  This may be a shortlived effort depending on what actually shows up on these pages!  Sometimes I have a tendency to ramble about random thoughts and this seemed a good platform for that.  

The title for this blog really stumped me for a little while.  I tried several different titles that didn't seem so obvious to me; evidently I was mistaken.  The first three I tried weren't available.  The fourth, the one I stuck with, is a reference to an inside "joke" between me and John.  Joke may not be the right word here.  Waltzing brings back many fond memories over the course of our marriage beginning with a conversation on the back porch of the dorm while we were dating, to a very thoughtful gift of ballroom dance lessons many, many years ago, right through quiet Saturday nights dancing at home in our living room.  We've been waltzing for 23 years now and I'm looking forward to at least that many more.  I'd love to be able to explain in more detail, but I'm just not sure anyone else would get it.

I promise to try not to make this a platform for venting after a long, hard day trying to help teenagers appreciate the beauty of literature and the power of the spoken language.  Don't get me wrong, I have quite a few students who are very smart and will do great things with their lives.  Then, of course, there are others.  My days are made when one of those actually appears interested in what I have to say.  I love what I do and it doesn't take very many of those days to keep me interested in continuing to get up every morning and try again.  I've been doing this long enough that former students' children are starting school.  I think I'm getting old.  I'm not really sure how that happened.  I mean, just yesterday I was the young teacher on the staff and now I'm one of the oldest.  I have a grown child away in college who already outstrips me in life experiences.  She is truly a world traveler and is comfortable in social situations I had never dreamed of when I was her age.  My grandmother was my age when I was born.  That's just wrong!  I have friends who are grandparents.  That's even more wrong! 

I am at one of those crossroads in life where choices of how to carry on must be made.  So far, I've just drifted with the current.  The realization that what happens from here is all up to me is a bit overwhelming.  I think what I should have learned many years ago that I am just now understanding is that life isn't a journey; it's a series of day trips.  Each phase of life is one trip.  The sum of those parts is the journey.  The Beatles (I LOVE the Beatles and will probably refer to them often, deal with it) had a song called "Day Tripper."  Pretty sure their lyrics didn't refer to my particular references, but to me they fit.  It's a one way ticket, you know?