Love is in the air and it’s a beautiful morning!
While today may be a “made up” holiday, it is one I look forward to every year. John and I don’t go to any great lengths for gifts or anything like that. We celebrate simply with a tradition the two of us have – even though I’m not sure how it even began. We trade cards. I know that it couldn’t be a more mundane thing to do and certainly not something anyone from the outside looking in would consider any big deal. But exchange cards we do: one goofy one and one romantic one. I look forward to those cards every year because I know how much thought goes in to choosing them. I’m the first to admit that I am the world’s worst gift giver. I am horrible at picking out gifts for other people! It doesn’t seem to matter how hard I try to plan, how long I shop, or how perfect I think something will be, it always seems to fall flat when the gift is finally opened by the receiver. I’ve been accused of giving gifts I want people to have, or think they should have, rather than gifts those people would want or get for themselves. Only a very few times in my life have I actually chosen a gift that I felt the receiver was truly happy to receive. But our Valentines? I search and search for the perfect card that expresses all those things I feel when I reflect on our love story.
Our love story began when we met, through a mutual friend, in the dorm at Troy. Chet, the friend, was someone who seemed to go out of his way to make the new kid feel welcome. With me, he did it through Backgammon. I had never played, but Chet seemed to play in the lobby with someone from his group of friends every night in the lobby of our dorm. One night he offered to teach me how to play. A few nights later, John called “winner” as his way of getting an introduction. I’m afraid he didn’t realize I was just learning and it took several nights, with some help from Chet, for me to finally win a game. This is the point where some of you will think our story began, but you’d be wrong. Yes, John did ask me out and we had a wonderful first date. We went out several times that winter then both went home for the summer. The following fall we had a few more dates before deciding we had nothing in common and we wouldn’t date anymore. But, he continued to ask me out and I continued to say yes. The following spring John graduated and started his job, but before he left he asked me to wait for him. He wanted a year to get on his feet and be on his own and wanted to know if I was willing to give him that year. A year later he proposed and we were married not long after. While that story is one I love, it is simply the prologue to the story of our lives. What we are together is a product of more than thirty years of life together and choosing, every day, to continue to add to that story.
This year John and I will have been married 32 years and have been together a little more than 34. Compared to many, our lives have been blessed. While we have had our disagreements, the discussions are low key and have actually only been heated on one or two occasions over all these years. Every night – EVERY night – when he gets home from work, I’m still excited to see his face and hear how his day went. When my day doesn’t go as planned, or I’m disappointed in how something has turned out, John is the one I go to for a chance to vent. I know that while others may misunderstand my motives, he knows my heart and will always take on my disappointments as his own. I can’t even begin to guess the number of nights we have gone through dinner with his being unable to get in a comment because I am ranting about one ridiculous thing or another. This quiet, gentle man has never once made me believe, even for a minute, that I and the life we are building together isn’t his main priority. And, yes. I said building, because we aren’t done yet. On the day we were married, someone reminded me that until I said the vows that I could always change my mind. That thought never once crossed my mind. Of the hundreds of thousands of decisions I have made over the course of my marriage – both good and bad –the one to pledge my life to John was one I made without hesitation and have never regretted.
So, this morning I got up and read my two cards. One was indeed goofy. . . cheesy, I guess you could say. Yes. There were references to cheese on the card. I’ll let you wonder about that one. But the other? Those of you who know my husband know him for the man he is: quiet, reserved, dependable, responsible. Not one to express his feelings easily, always just assuming I know how he feels about me. That’s what that second card is for. As I read it I knew that he had spent as much time choosing the card that said all the things he feels as I had choosing the same for him. I couldn’t have been more sure of how he felt had he looked me in the eyes and said the words himself.
For several Valentine’s Day celebrations over the past few years, John and I have gone to the Golf and Beach Resort in SanDestin. We didn’t do that this year, for whatever reason. It could have to do with the trip to New Orleans coming up, or it could have simply slipped our minds to make reservations in time. So, tonight I’m cooking one of John’s favorite meals and this weekend we’ll do something together to celebrate. It won’t be something special or anything that requires a great deal of planning. Why? Because I know that every day since saying our vows to each other – vows that we meant at the time and still mean today – he and I have chosen to be in love with each other. We have chosen to value each other and make our life together a priority. I’m not naïve to the point where I believe that all it takes for a happy marriage is simply to choose to have one. Life isn’t always kind, and for many simply making a choice isn’t an option. For us, the challenges Life has put in our way have been ones we have been able to overcome without serious collateral damage. I like to believe that we have taken advantage of the blessings we have been given to become stronger together. I cannot imagine a time that I will not look to him for comfort or advice, or look forward to his kiss goodbye each morning and the sound of his voice when he comes home every night. So tonight, as I do every night, I’ll go to bed counting my blessings. At the top of the list will be the love of my life and the life I love. Happy Valentine’s Day!
