Erin and I have been as busy as bees these past few days
taking the next step on the wedding planning ladder. I’ve spent countless hours on the internet
searching for DJ’s and photographers. We
found a DJ and I think we are narrowing down our choices of photographers. John seems a little bemused by the whole
process. Every now and then I try to
explain to him that these service providers get booked months in advance, that
it is possible that the ones we want won’t be available on April 6th. Something that has also kind of stunned the
both of us is the prices attached to some of these things. We actually looked at one photographer whose
fees started at $6500. Yes, that’s
right, I said started! Then, of course,
there was the traveling fee – so much per mile to and from the venue. Thankfully, after further searching, I have
found several other very good photographers that aren’t looking to retire on
Erin and TJ’s wedding!
When Erin and I first started this process I truly
understood what it meant to try to do this with my being in Kinston, Erin in Wisconsin, and the venue in
Birmingham. Thankfully, Haley (our
patient, kind wedding planner) has answered my emails with professional
tolerance. I’m sure that she has dealt with
mothers worse than I, all of us believing that we are the first to come up
against a wall in the planning process.
Actually, I’ve only sent one email, the purpose being to introduce
myself and give her contact information for me.
I also asked what I needed to be doing right now and expressed my
concern over this long-distance planning process. Her prompt reply turned me in the right
direction and eased my concerns. Thank
you, Haley!
If I sometimes feel out of the loop, I can only imagine how
TJ’s mother feels. This is a big day for
him, too! I’m sure that at some point in
his life, she has thought about the woman TJ would eventually marry and she
probably had some sort of vision in mind of what the wedding would be
like. But, being the mother of a boy,
she may have actually felt a little relief knowing the bulk of the process would
be up to the bride’s family. Can’t say I
would blame her.
Anyway, with that on my mind, I asked Erin for TJ’s mom’s
mailing address. It took her a couple of
days, but she finally came through. Then
I took a couple of days carefully wording a letter to TJ’s mother. Do you know how hard it is to write a letter
to someone you don’t even know? The fact
that this first contact would give her an impression of TJ’s future in-laws
only added to the pressure. I didn’t
want her to read my letter then wonder just what kind of crazy woman Erin’s
mother is! There were several purposes for this
letter: to introduce myself to TJ’s
mother, to express our gratitude for her welcoming Erin as she has, to tell her
how much we have come to like TJ, and to tell her that she is welcome to
participate in the wedding planning to whatever extent she would like. As those of you who follow me regularly have
realized from the beginning, I’m a bit verbose.
I could have handled all of this through email or Facebook, but I wanted
to be able to let the words I had chosen rest a bit before I rushed them to
Nebraska. Let’s be realistic. TJ’s mother will have more influence over
their day-to-day life than I will simply because of logistics. She’ll be closer. Also, intruding mothers-in-law with opinions
on everything can be hard on a marriage.
So far, TJ’s mom has done nothing to indicate that she is anything but
happy over the two of them. She has made
Erin comfortable and treats her as she does her own children. Since all three of her children seem to be
bright, healthy, and well-adjusted then how she treats them must be a good
thing.
So, I trusted myself to read the final draft then forced
myself to sign it, put a stamp on it, and walk it out to the mailbox. Hopefully when she reads it she will know
that we want TJ to feel as welcome and loved in our home as Erin does in
hers. Either that, or she’ll wonder just
what kind of nut Erin’s mother is and
assume that is the reason she has moved so very, very far away and is so happy
with her decision. I guess I’ll know one
way or the other in a few days. Surely
Erin will let me know if TJ’s mother says anything about it either to her or to
TJ. Then again, maybe she won’t.
